I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
