hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
