my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
