He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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