come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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