I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
