I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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