Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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