Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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