How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
