Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
