I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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