what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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