I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
