there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
