I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
