Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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