He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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