This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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