well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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