I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
