He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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