i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
