she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The struggles of a small town man whore
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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