I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
