Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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