why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize