What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
