please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
