My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
