I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
