Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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