Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
