I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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