I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
