ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
