What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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