We won't sleep together?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
