I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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