the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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