i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
