I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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