Say something about gay babies.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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