I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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