I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
