Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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