Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
