he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
