Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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