I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
