So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
