I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
