Will you blow on my dice?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
