Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
