i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Two words: blizzard sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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