I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
