My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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