It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
