her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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