Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
