You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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