wanna go halves on a baby?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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