there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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