Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
