So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
